Before & During........

This is me 30+ pounds ago ...

I know it's scary.  Look at my hands they are so tense.  I'm sure I was saying "hurry up and take the *&%^@@ picture".   I was unhappy with myself. 

This picture was taken last year.  January 4th 2009 to be exact.  This was the day we were taking my Mom to see Neil Diamond.  It was her Christmas present.  Notice the shirt I'm wearing "It's About Time".  This was from one of my favorite scrapbook stores in the area that has closed down (of course).  Anyway I thought it was appropriate.  On this day I was done!   It was about time.  Done with being uncomfortable.  Done with not being able to fit into my clothes.  Even the big ones.  I was just done.   And looking back now I realize how horrible I felt that night and how we never took any pictures of us at the concert.  My Mom's favorite.  How silly is that?  

Back on this day I wanted to lose 30 pounds no matter how long it took.  That was my goal.  So flash forward to today.  I've been doing this whole Clean Eating plan.  I've cut out a lot from my diet but I realized when I started that my diet was fairly "clean".  It wasn't like I was eating fast food & junk 24/7.  But lately I have felt stuck.  I'm running.  I ran 3 miles this morning in just under 35 minutes.  It's not fast but I'm working on it.  I'm eating pretty well.  But there are two weeks out of the month that I feel like I could eat all day long and I would still be hungry.  I try to control that of course but it's hard.  It sucks!  I miss my P90X.  It helped me but since I started going back to the gym I've given up on it.  I need to incorporate it back into my plan this next week.

The reason that I'm posting this today is because I've been kind of beating myself up lately.   I should be thinner.  I should be losing faster.  That kind of thing.  I have people in my life that I see all the time who have never once said anything about me losing weight.   So I think "Really?"  does thirty pounds not show.  I can talk myself into the fact that it doesn't even make a difference in how I look very easily. 

I had Spence (aka my photog) take this picture today...

We will call this my "during" shot.  Better than the first I must admit but I can look at this picture and find at least five things that I cringe about.  But I'm putting it out there.

(Sorry neither of these photo's have any makeup involved in them) 

I needed to do a check for myself.  Put it out there because the whole blogging about it really does help me stay focused.  I think I started to get a little lax this month.  We are heading into something I have been dreading and it has caused some stress these past few weeks.  My exercise routine has suffered because of it and that to me just isn't acceptable anymore.  There are no excuses because it's something I do that makes me feel better and I need it.  I honestly don't know how I did what I do everyday 30 pounds ago.  Without exercise I would be hurting.

So I'm starting fresh (again).  Getting back into P90X a little more and still running.  We are running in a 5K in October in honor of  my Mom and I want to run not walk.

I will get back on track because ---

-I never want to look like that first picture again.
-I want to fit into size 8 jeans.
-I want to be healthy (most importantly - it could of went before the jeans - but..)

O.K. .. better.  My before picture that I thought no one would ever see....it's out there.  I will save you the horror of the one I have in my bathing suit.  Way too scary for this blog.

If you're still reading this...thanks! 

This weekend I'm getting my hair done tomorrow....being crafty......spending time with family......RELAXING.  Oh and exercising:)

Enjoy your weekend!!!!  Remember to shop my AVON store.  Click on the link to the right.  Lot's of great deals this weekend:O

xoxo

Insert "after" shot here....someday